


Extraterrestrial Pillowtalk

by Hightress



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aliens, Fluff and Crack, Iwizumi deserves better, M/M, Oikawa is a piece of shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 22:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10500303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hightress/pseuds/Hightress
Summary: In which Oikawa is himself and Iwaizumi questions his life choices





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a discussion between my friends and ended up one of the weirdest things I have ever written. I'm sorry.

It was another one of their usual nights at first. Iwaizumi was lying on the right side of the bed, relaxed, calmly falling in the land of dreams, when a voice - an annoying as hell voice - decided to destroy everything in a matter of seconds. 

"Iwa-chan." it said. 

Just two syllables and seven cursed letters that had the power to bring the worst out of poor, innocent Iwaizumi on any given day. 

He shut his eyes more forcefully, hoping in vain that ignoring the monster would make it leave him alone. Of course, he had no such luck. 

"Hey, Iwa-chan!" it continued, sounding even more unnerving and needier. 

Iwaizumi sighed. 

"What do you want, Oikawa?" he said, frustration and exhaustion clear in his tone. 

"Do you remember our talk from yesterday? About the possibility of aliens watching us?" were the questions thrown at him by the monster - also known as Oikawa -  who sounded way too enthusiastic for that hellish hour. 

"Shut up and sleep, dumbass." 

Iwaizumi couldn't deal with him properly at that time of night. For doing so, he needed proper rest and that seemed out of equation in the current turn of events. 

"But what if they consider our lives some sort of wierd reality show?" Oikawa asked, totally focused of the topic, as if the subject was something vital to his existence. 

 "Sleep. NOW." Iwaizumi raised his voice. He knew it wouldn't work, but he still did it. 

 "I wonder if our team is popular. I expect us to have a pretty solid fanbase out there." the idiot kept going.  

For the thousandth moment that week, Iwaizumi wanted to punch him. Properly. Leave a beautiful, dark bruise across his 'perfect' face. 

"Oikawa."

"Yes, Iwa-chan?"

"How much did you drink?"

Oikawa looked at him dissaponted. 

"Rude. I didn't, I swear. You just lack imagination."

Silence. Too bad it didn't last. 

"It would be amazing to be famous on other planets too. I bet, even now, there should be some green skined beauties thinking of me."

"You have issues."

"What if you have fans too? I mean, in here you are average at best, but you have a chance to be up to their standards up there. Just imagine - tiny extraterrestrial ladies, swooning over poor and sad Iwaizumi Hajime, tears falling out of their -... 

Ook, he couldn't _not_ interrupt that. 

"You'd think after 18 years I'd get used to your wierdness, but I see that's not the case."

"I almost wouldn't mind you cheating on me with a creature from another galaxy. Nobody can deny such an offer. Nobody."

By this time, they were both facing each other, sparking brown eyes looking into tired green ones. The dialogue was stupid but so Oikawa-ish that Iwaizumi decided to humour him a bit longer. And by humoring him he actually meant that he couldn't pass the opportunity to make fun of the idiot while he still could. 

He smirked. 

"Oh, really? You know what that means, right?" 

"What?" Oikawa asked, smile dropping at Iwaizumi's unexpected change of attitude. 

Iwaizumi's smile only grew wider at the other's confusion. 

"It means than even a green monster, full of tentacles, is better in bed than you are, dumbass." 

Oikawa gasped dramatically, moving his right hand to place it above his heart in the most overrused way possible, before he got stopped midway by a pillow thrown in his face. 

"IWA-CHAN! That's not true!" the drama queen shouted, pushing the pillow away. 

"It's not like it would be that hard to beat you in that area." he shouted back. 

"You're horrible."

Iwaizumi was not impressed. His mouth went back into a thin line, all amusement vanishing in seconds. 

"And you're acting like a child. Are you done or do I have to keep stepping on that useless ego of yours?"

Oikawa pouted and turned his back to Iwaizumi, stealing the cover in the process. 

"I don't like you anymore. I'm going to bed." he said, acting as childish as Iwaizumi expected. 

"Finally!" exclaimed Iwaizumi, finally getting the peace he desired all along. 

He closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly as he adjusted himself to a more comfortable position. His body felt numb and heavy, the warmth of the room calming him completely. 

It took him less than five minutes to start drifting away. 

"Hey, Iwa-chan?"

 No. _NO_. Just no. No _freaking_ way. 

"WHAT?" he shouted, almost feeling the need to cry out of frustration. 

"If they really do have a reality show based on our lives... I hope there are blogs in our honor." 

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?" Iwaizumi cried out, voice almost breaking in the end. 

To make things worse, that's when Oikawa decided to start giggling shamessly. 

And that's how Iwaizumi, from that day on, decided to sleep on the couch, choosing sanity and a future out of jail, over the possibly of murdering his boyfriend in their own bed, at night. 

**Author's Note:**

> If there's a chance you might've liked this short and weird piece of crack, please tell me. (I doubt it but oh, well XD) Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
